This Attitude Hurts Your Relationship

Sometimes relationships get too polite and generous.   

“What do you want to eat?“

“Whatever you’d like honey.”

”What show do you want to watch?”

“I doesn’t matter to me. You choose.“

“Where do you want to go out?”

“Whatever you want, dear.” 

At first, this is considerate, but notice what happens when you keep this up for too long.  When one person is continually deferring to the other, it is now conflict avoidance.  You’ll know that you’ve reached this point when your partner is no longer happy with your generous answers.  Now your conflict avoidance has create a new conflict, and this conflict is one that waits to be resolved at your end.

At some point, if you continue to defer your desire (ie. what you want), your partner will experience your lack of desire and it will hurt.   They will sense that something is missing (ie. your desire for them), but it may be difficult for them to see what is missing behind your polite gestures.  A part of them, will remember something missing from the beginning of the relationship -a feeling of desirability.  That when was when you knew what you wanted and you went after it.  It was your favourite food, a fascinating show, an adventure to go on …it was them.    

Watch the video below on deferring dynamics and see that “a happy wife” is NOT the recipe for a happy life.